PARENTING THROUGH RECOVERY
Whether you are a parent whose child has another parent with an addiction, OR you yourself are a parent with an active or past addiction we hope to empower you to be apart of your child's healing, and in turn, hope it provides you with some healing of your own.
Parenting can be hard and stressful.
Even if a parent is in recovery from drug or alcohol use, their relationship with their children may need healing because of things that were done or said in the past.
A lot of stress in a parent's own childhood, can make it hard for them to deal with stress as an adult.
If a parent has a hard time dealing with stress as an adults, they may have a hard time showing their kids they love them (even if they love them with your whole heart!)
If a parent's past behaviours were emotionally or physically hurtful towards their child, the child may have a hard time trusting the parent, and may be triggered by certain behaviours the parent has.
Connect your child to a peer created guide that will help them work through their feelings about the experiences with your addiction.
ON MY WAY TO WELLNESS:
"The pathways to wellness can look different for everyone. What's important is having the support and patience to work through the roadblocks on the road to healthy well-being."
The body on stress.
Kids learn to self regulate (regulate their emotions and stress response) through co-regulation: having a safe and present caregiver who can model and provide the emotional and physical safety needed to calm down.
If you, now a parent, have experienced a lot of stress in your own childhood, it may be difficult for you to respond to your children's distress (crying, yelling, "attention seeking") in the calm and empathetic ways they need to feel safe.
Who was there
for YOU when you felt sad, scared or angry as a child?
Here is a 5 minute video sharing how stress in early childhood can shape they way we cope with stress as adults, as well as increase a person's risk for mental illness and addiction.
Stress impacts our ability to listen, to learn, to be kind, and to consider another persons perspective.
DISCLAIMER: A childhood history of trauma (overwhelming stress) is NOT an excuse for any behaviours that hurt a child. It can, however, help a person better understand their emotions and behaviours towards their children.
LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW YOUR CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES MY BE IMPACTING YOU TODAY: MY NUMBERS STORY (WHAT ARE ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES)
Kids are so spoiled these
days! I survived worse!
Have you ever thought or said, "you have no idea how good you have it compared to my childhood?". NO SHAME, WE HAVE ALL THOUGHT IT. HOWEVER, A parent may believe that their children have it much better / easier than they themselves had it as children.
Unfortunately, a child's body cannot compare the stress they are experiencing with another person. If an experience puts a child at risk physically or emotionally, and they have to sit with this stress on their own, their body will experience a stress response. In addition, the simple act of invalidating their stressful experiences by telling them "it is not that bad" , can create stress in them.
example of potentially stressful experiences for your child related to your substance use:
has your child witnessed a parent's life be in danger from overdose, substance use related hospitalizations, or self harm?
has your child had birthdays or holidays that they were excited for but missed because of a parent's substance use?
does your child often get yelled at? shamed? sworn at?
has your child witnessed physical fights between adults they love?
has your child had parents who had a messy divorce?
has your child witnessed a parent be taken away by police officers aggressively?
Kids need emotional support and safety as much as physical support. Without it, the child will experience STRESS. Too much stress in childhood can become toxic and impact a child's behaviours, emotions, and ability to cope with stress as adults.
I have been trying so hard, but my kids act like I don't even love them. They have no idea how much I love them!
"Children do not experience the parent, they experience the parenting".
Saying sorry validates a child's experiences and feelings: It tells them that you understand or are trying to understand how they feel, it tells them there is no shame in how they feel, and it opens up the conversation for them to express how they feel.
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