Courage to Use Our Stories to Lead the Way: Starlings PEM Program.

We keep hearing that stories matter, which makes sense, because they do.

But for some of us who have grown up with the stress and stigma of a parent's substance use, we might not even understand our stories because they’re tangled up in the stories told about us and our family, from the words and the actions of others. Or for some, there’s just too much to unpack, too much to hold, to even begin to honour.

Then there is the shame. The 'I get we have similiar experiences, but what if you still judge me?'....

That's why this program didn’t come from a theory or a textbook, it came from us: It was built from our team who showed up and who shared in small spaces; from the leaders with lived experience who connected with us to partner or collaborate, but who ended up saying, 'wait, I experienced that too, but how do you talk about it within your professional space?' It came from students who told us they never met someone who combined their lived experience with their professional goals, and they wanted to, as well. It came from us.

What I loved the most? Being able to learn how to tell my story - without the lens of stigma, and to find the laughter within it. I also loved hearing others stories, and learning from eachother along the way. - 2024 Participant

Peer created zine by program participants 2024

It came from the truth that so many of us are navigating hard things and being told our feelings and experiences aren’t valid simply because of a parent's substance use. Many of us were taught that our DREAMS don't get a chance to grow because we are at risk of too much harm, too much intergenerational trauma.

So we are challenging that. Not by saying we didnt bexperience stress or trauma, and certaintlynot by blaming ourselves for believing what the world has said, but by gently insisting on something different: yes, your story matters, our stories matter, and they are the fuel for the changes we need. We just need a space to unpack it- gently, with care, and with others who can honour our stories while we learn to honour ours too.

And the outcome has been magical.

My favourite part about the program was getting the chance to share and listen to each other's stories. We created a space that let each person know they were allowed to share their full truth, I will forever appreciate that. - 2024 participant

I didn't join to be less angry, but i feel so much less angry. I am learning to dream again, something I think I forgot how to do- 2025 participant

The peer mentorship program has helped me reflect on my past experiences with parental substance use and recognize the ways that it has impacted me. The program has helped me learn that it is brave to be vulnerable and that my story deserves to be heard. I am so grateful for the people I have met and the stories I've been able to listen to during this program. Thank you to Agnes and everyone at the Starlings team for this experience!

So what is it?

For eight weeks, we get to gather, 1.5 hours each week as a group, plus as many one-on-one sessions as you need along the way. Each of us receives a self-reflection workbook, not as homework, but as a place to hold reflect on the conversations, and any sparks that come up together.

We don’t meet to “fix” ourselves (we were never broken). We meet to sit with our stories, to gently unravel them, and to centre our voices and dreams, not research papers, not stereotypes, not someone else’s version of who we are. Some weeks, we talk about stress and how it lives in our bodies. Other weeks, we unpack stigma, the weight of holding onto stories that feel too big for the world or of the impact of carrying our own journey through a world that often doesn’t understand.

And we get creative. Sometimes we try out storytelling tools. Sometimes a guest joins to share their story through poetry or comic book writing. Sometimes we co-create a zine or draw. Sometimes it’s as simple as dropping a comment in the chat box, or noticing the relief of someone else nodding because they get it.

Many participants say things like, “I’ve never shared this before,” or “I never thought about this in this way, or Ive been to other peer groups but not one relevant to my experience.”

That relevance matters.

The part of the program that made the biggest difference for me was writing my story and getting to understand it better, and especially doing it in a creative way. Getting to share it with others was also helpful for my own healing and bravery. - 2025 participant

Thanks to everyone who has joinied us these last 2 years as we launched our PEM program.

Curious or ready to join our next cohort on Sept 17. Register here https://www.starlings.ca/peer-empowerment-mentorship

Unsure? Email us at programs@starlings.ca or book a 1:1 here: https://www.starlings.ca/parentaladdiction-peersupport

And know, 'We don’t share our stories just to be heard, we offer them as seeds. Seeds of safety. Seeds of possibility. We speak so that others might feel less alone in their silence.We speak so that the next person might feel brave enough to whisper, then speak, then roar.

We tell the truth of our lives not for spectacle, but to help reimagine a world where our families aren’t punished for struggling.

A world where asking for help is met with care, not consequence.Where support isn’t something we have to earn, but something we all deserve.

This is the world we imagine.

With so much gratitude,

Agnes , PEM program Facilitator