When New Beginnings Feel Like Loss: Reflections on Healing from Experiences related to Parental Substance Use Challenges
- 1 hour ago
- 3 min read
Words from one of our Practicum Students with lived experience of parental substance use challenges
We don't often talk about the grief that can accompany healing.
Yet our brains and bodies form attachments not only to people, but also to places, routines, and communities that help us feel safe. When something meaningful comes to an end, even because we've grown in positive ways, we can feel both gratitude and loss at the same time.
Our nervous systems don't distinguish between "good" and "bad" endings as neatly as we'd like; even hopeful transitions can bring grief because they ask us to let go of something, whether it is of connection, routine, identity, and belonging.
What does this mean: Our brains are wired to seek safety in familiarity. For people who have experienced parental substance use, change can activate stress responses shaped by earlier experiences of unpredictability, making it common to feel grief, anxiety, or a sense of loss even during positive life transitions.
Recently, one of our practicum students, who also brings lived experience of parental substance use, shared these reflections at the end of their placement. While completing a practicum is something to celebrate, they also named something many people quietly experience: the hurt that can accompany moving forward.
If you're navigating the impacts of parental substance use and find yourself surprised by feelings of loss during times of positive change, you are not alone. Healing often includes grieving what was, what is ending, and even the communities that helped us find our way.
Note: This student wrote this piece for Starlings with permission for us to include their words alongside a zine they created for our community.
"Making a commitment is difficult, but it can also be hard when that thing you've committed to comes to an end.
You lose that regularity and familiarity that has been present for a good chunk of time. Remembering the nerves and apprehension you felt when initially starting feels almost like a rushed, awkward hug, and the embrace at the end is long, warm, meaningful.
I've been doing my peer support practicum at Starlings. I started during the midst of my life completely changing in every which way, and at times, felt too overwhelmed to give anything to the commitment I had made. The people in this community were so understanding and willing to accommodate me that it felt doable.
I felt connected to others by the commonality of parental substance use, and during a time where I felt like I had ruined everything in my life, I really needed that. I needed that kind of support and community more than I knew, and because of everyone being there for me, I felt safe and supported enough to actually unpack how I was feeling instead of pushing it away.
I felt seen and heard, without judgement or ridicule, and for the topic of parental substance use specifically, that was monumental. Now, this is the last little blurb I’m writing for my practicum.
It’s nice to be done, in terms of completion and the feeling of finishing something, but it also is fair to myself to acknowledge it as a loss'.
Join our Book Club in YYC where our topic is grief beyond physical loss
If you are looking for a space with peers who understand, check out or peer supports, including 1:1 sessions, group sessions, and virtual spaces where you can read and feel connected.
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